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DSM-Y · Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Yards
Recognized Conditions

Each entry is accompanied by an evidence plate from the Departmental archive. Plates are reconstructions for illustrative purposes. Cases depicted are not intended to resemble any real yard, living or otherwise.

Evidence plate for Gravel Identity Crisis
LC-001 common

🪨 Gravel Identity Crisis

When a homeowner can't decide between zen garden and parking lot and lands somewhere painful in between.

Filed under the DSM-Y, Rev. 2026.04 · Not intended as diagnostic advice

Evidence plate for Seasonal Attachment Disorder
LC-007 epidemic

🎄 Seasonal Attachment Disorder

Holiday decorations persisting months past their season. The lawn is trapped in a temporal anomaly.

Filed under the DSM-Y, Rev. 2026.04 · Not intended as diagnostic advice

Evidence plate for Repurposed Vessel Syndrome
LC-012 common

🛁 Repurposed Vessel Syndrome

Bathtubs, toilets, and old boots used as planters. The yard is going through its upcycling phase.

Filed under the DSM-Y, Rev. 2026.04 · Not intended as diagnostic advice

Evidence plate for Plastic Fauna Dependency
LC-019 rising

🦩 Plastic Fauna Dependency

When the fake flamingo population outnumbers actual wildlife in a 3-block radius.

Filed under the DSM-Y, Rev. 2026.04 · Not intended as diagnostic advice

Evidence plate for Gnome Hoarding Disorder
LC-025 epidemic

🧙 Gnome Hoarding Disorder

3+ gnomes is a collection. 7+ is a community. 12+ is a government.

Filed under the DSM-Y, Rev. 2026.04 · Not intended as diagnostic advice

Evidence plate for Mulch Volcano Disorder
LC-033 epidemic

🌋 Mulch Volcano Disorder

Mulch piled 18 inches high around tree trunks in a perfect cone. The tree is suffocating.

Filed under the DSM-Y, Rev. 2026.04 · Not intended as diagnostic advice

Evidence plate for Delusions of Grandeur (Aquatic)
LC-041 rising

⛲ Delusions of Grandeur (Aquatic)

A tiny yard with an oversized water feature. The yard thinks it's Versailles.

Filed under the DSM-Y, Rev. 2026.04 · Not intended as diagnostic advice

Evidence plate for Chain Link Aesthetic Denial
LC-048 common

🔗 Chain Link Aesthetic Denial

A beautifully planted garden imprisoned behind rusting chain link. Stockholm syndrome in plant form.

Filed under the DSM-Y, Rev. 2026.04 · Not intended as diagnostic advice

Evidence plate for Competitive Edging Disorder
LC-055 rising

📐 Competitive Edging Disorder

When edging becomes an obsession. Perfect lines everywhere. The lawn is one edge away from a breakdown.

Filed under the DSM-Y, Rev. 2026.04 · Not intended as diagnostic advice

Evidence plate for Topiary Dysmorphia
LC-062 common

🌳 Topiary Dysmorphia

Shrubs trimmed into shapes that were clearly intended to be something but no one can tell what.

Filed under the DSM-Y, Rev. 2026.04 · Not intended as diagnostic advice

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