Senior Counselor · Gnomic Intervention Division
Specialises in interventional gnomic rehabilitation. Has never successfully rehabilitated a gnome, but remains hopeful.
Head of the Mulch Volcano Taskforce
Strong opinions about trunk flare. Carries a depth-gauge in her handbag. Will ask how deep your mulch is before saying hello.
Senior Fellow · Chain-Link Recovery Institute
Believes every yard wishes to be free. Will not, however, open your gate for you. That is a journey you must make yourself.
Topiary Dysmorphia Specialist
It is a dog. It has always been a dog. Anyone suggesting otherwise is invited to present evidence at the next departmental review.
Competitive Edging Specialist
Carries a ruler at all times. Measures things that did not ask to be measured. Has filed seventeen formal complaints against his neighbour.
Department Head · Director, Yard Recovery
Has held the directorship since before the department technically existed. Will not confirm whether she is, herself, a gnome. Would prefer we moved on.