LC-H-01
January 17
Observance of the Mulched Tree
A moment of silence is held for trees still recovering from the 2025 mulch season.
Observed
A list of the observances, acknowledgements, and outright non-events recognised by the Department of Yard Recovery. Any resemblance to officially-recognised public holidays is coincidental and, in some cases, unwelcome.
A moment of silence is held for trees still recovering from the 2025 mulch season.
The Department is open, or would be, but it is not there.
The Department is closed. All gnomes are considered to be off-duty. Counselors are not.
Bank Holiday · Departmental Premises Closed
Inflatables shall not be ridiculed on this day. This extends only to this day.
Hoses are ceremonially uncoiled and, in most cases, coiled again by lunch.
A luncheon is held at which only root vegetables are served. Attendance is mandatory for the Board.
Closed 12:00–14:30 for the luncheon; re-closed 14:30 onward for debriefing.
A shrub is freed. The shrub is usually replanted within the hour.
Plastic flamingos throughout the jurisdiction are counted. The count is never disclosed.
Counselors are encouraged to leave an edge imperfect in solidarity. Few do.
It is unclear whether the Department is open or closed. This is intentional.
Each lawn is visited, if only briefly, by a counselor, who says nothing and then leaves.
Depth-gauges are distributed at the door. Do not bring the depth-gauge home.
The Department files a formal advisory. Nothing happens. The Santa remains.
Note. During all observances, the Department remains open, is technically open, is nominally open, or is as-open-as-it-is-ever-going-to-be. Visitors are asked to consult Form LC-77 and the Visitor Hours matrix, both of which take precedence over this calendar, which itself takes precedence over nothing.
Further note. In the event of a holiday not listed here, the Department regards that holiday with benign indifference and will continue operating at its usual indeterminate capacity.